Spawning

Spawning

I love my birds, as many people know…i am a bird brain by choice. Every so often I can convince my husband to let an egg hatch. We do NOTHING, they get busy, they sit on the egg, they feed it etc. Well Daddy peephead is on the left, Momma Pudge is on the right, and featuring today…the middle BABY MONSTER!

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help!

I need more information on the following topics…

inquiry-based pedagogy

power struggles in education and the classroom (particularly, what is power in education, and what is power in the classroom?)

birthdays

I was born in exactly 5 hours, 26 years ago (the current time is 9:28 PM EST). What have I done? Am i proud of myself?

I don’t know. I feel empty inside.

You know…

I know everyone complains, and bitches, but why can’t I catch a fucking break? I am putting myself through grad school (which if you’ve been is pain enough), my car broke down, Nan died, mom won’t get off my back about part time jobs, and to top it off I got my 10th rejection for a teaching position. -sigh deeply-

I will tackle each of these in list fashion.

1.) Grad School

It’s not that going to grad school made me hate school, or my profession. It is the mission behind this school that makes me dislike it. White Privilege and Social Justice. I get the social justice part, and it is immensely important. My students need to be aware of social constructs that are beating them down, and how they can deal with it. But white privilege? Ok I am white, and i am by NO WAY privileged. Everything I have I have earned. I get the premise behind it, that the color of my skin in power structures in our society give me opportunities others do not have, which is why we teach social justice. I think I have a problem with the term being so bold. Why not SES privliege? That is what this is really all about. Either way, I am struggling with staying on track, keeping focused, and understanding why I did this in the first place. Suddenly, I feel like I was never meant to teach, or that I won’t be good enough.

2.) Leads me to “my 10th rejection”.

I have applied to 57 teaching positions in two states. I have only received 10 rejections, the others did not even bother to reply. This has been in the last two years. But what really gets me is this latest rejection. I had a phone interview, and it went really really well. Then, I don’t make it to the next stage of the interview? I feel like this is a sign from above, that I am not suppose to teach or something. I think that maybe the fact that I just got rejected is really getting to me.

3.) My car

I have some strange thing against my husband because he crashed two cars, and gets new ones. My mother helps him out with everything. Yet, I bought this car myself, insured it myself, and seven years later…it is starting to die. I have a cracked head gasket, and it is bi-polar and starts some days and doesnt on others. Then I am told to get another beat up car, when here my husband gets two fairly new cars. It’s not fair. I feel like I have paid my dues. Why can’t I get a fairly new car? Why do I have to wait until I get my first career job, when my husband didn’t? Maybe this is that white privilege thing speaking, and i did not even realize.

4.) Nan

My heart and soul aches for just one more hug. I don’t regret anything. I just miss her. She was my rock. I went to her with all of my problems, and even if she didn’t understand anything I said, it was her and who she was that comforted me. With her not being here anymore, my anxiety is through the roof. EVERYTHING sets me off. I cannot seem to distract myself long enough to forget it. It just hurts so bad. I need her, I need to see her, I need to talk to her, I want to see her.

and 5 would be my mother, and quite frankly…I don’t want to talk about her. -sigh-